The amber light flickered in the dark room as she lit her next cigarette. Inhaling the nicotine filled tobacco smoke, she exhaled in relief. “Yeah, that’s the stuff,” she thought. She puffed once or twice before she noticed that the floor was really hurting her posterior, but she made no effort to stand.
“Are you going to do this all night, Kay?”
“Why not? You have a better plan?” Silence was the reply. She felt him slide next to her in silence and place his hand on her shoulder. “You’ve some nerve,” she muttered as she slid to fit into the little nook of comfort that he provided. He chuckled in that husky voice of his that she adored. “Cocky bastard,” she whispered, smiling in the dark. The ringlets of smoke doubled now, making up for the lack of conversation.
“Where do we go from here?”
You’ll be okay. You were always the decisive one and still are. I won’t be surprised if tomorrow finds you in Easy Coach or something already off.”
“You know I can’t do that. Besides, your mother would love that. Another thing for her to mutter about to her friends.”
He laughed. “She doesn’t hate you. It’s just that I had gone for so many years then we suddenly show up at her door. I guess you blew her mind after all those years of worrying about me.
“Hmm, again with your unique way of dealing with relationships. Running off to do something noble so that we can’t reason or guilt you into staying with us. She probably lost you to the NGO didn’t she? God, I should never have eaten that chicken that day.”
“C’mon! First of all it had been a dream of mine for so long to help eradicate Malaria at the village level. Second, you would have still eaten that chicken whether it was burnt or not. Kay, you always went for what you wanted. You approached me…
“Here we go again,” she interrupted, rolling her eyes simultaneously.
“Let me finish Kay. It was one of those good old surprises that life gives you. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Hell, if I could go back in time I would approach you this time. In that little black dress…
“purple”
“…black dress of yours at the bar with you little glass of wine and that cigarette that you held so seductively…”
“How does one hold a cigarette seductively?”
“I don’t know. You’re the expert. Speaking of which, when are you quitting?”
“Soon.”
“Kay…”
“I said soon. Damn it Dave, don’t lecture me right now.”
“Fine.”
The amber light glowed once more. The ticking of the clock at the far end of the room was the only sound emanating in the room.
“I’m scared Dave.”
“I know.”
“This really sucks. What’s going to happen now? I don’t want to move from here.”
“Kay…”
“No, let me finish Dave. I’m scared. So freaking scared. My heart is holding on to shards of a memory, my body clinging to a ghost, my mind is working overtime. I haven’t slept for days because closing my eyes will only lead to a breakdown. I’ll be forced to face the truth. I can’t do it. I keep hoping…”
“I’m sorry.”
“How does that help me Dave? You know how much it took for me trust you, how it finally felt to feel whole and loved. It was crazy beautiful. I exhaled, everyday, with peace that my turbulent soul had rarely felt. Now, I can hear that sleeping lion waking up, clawing on the very fabrics of my existence. Its howling, howling Dave…” she choked.
He held her close as he waited for the guttural sobs racking her body to subside. She couldn’t help but hold him close and struggle to capture what she had lost, what she was loosing. Soon the silent black was all that could be tangibly felt in the room.
“Remember when Halima came along, all flowery with that Coastal accent to the NGO? You all drooled over her yet she hadn’t the slightest clue. God, it was so refreshing to see all of you try to outdo each other.”
“What! I wasn’t there. I only had eyes for you.”
“Yeah right. Its okay, you don’t have to try to massage my ego or anything. I know you tried some of your ‘classic moves’ on her and you know how I can’t resist a good laugh.
“Ah! That hurt! Right here,” He pouted pointing at the left side of his chest. “Besides it was part of the plan, I knew you were watching, I had to get you laughing so that you’d be comfortable around me.”
“What do you mean, ‘comfortable around me’”, she mimicked.
Please, you never really liked any personal bonding with anyone, let alone men. It took time before you and Halima became best of friends, and it was longer still before you’d even let me drop you home, regardless of the fact that we were neighbors. Even that one time you hit on me when inebriated, you completely denied it the next day.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, how did we get round to hitting me with a few hard truths from me making fun of you, dufus!”
“Classic avoidance Kay, but its okay, I’ll let it slide this once. You’ve had enough for today,” he smiled as he held her closer. “I expect you’ll go back to the university after this”
“No, I want to continue your work down in the village.”
“We talked about this before.”
“I know but things have changed…
“No, go, get your masters and come back. You’ll be better equipped and you’ll have a bigger clout. Those chiefs won’t know what hit them.”
She laughed, “I can see Chief Orwa right now, ballooning up when he hears some other new suggestions that are kindly being shoved down his throat.”
He chuckled. “Good memories.” Sighing he let her light her cigarette as he gazed wistfully at the window. Dawn was approaching fast, with the birds already preparing to meet it with chirps of song. It wasn’t long now. He could feel her clutching him tightly as light began to slowly seep into the room. The rectangular wooden box on the mahogany table was beginning to take definite shape. He wondered if she knew how desperate she looked, how bruises would form on her palms due to the machine like grip that she held on to him. Her eyes seemed wild, with embers flicking at the edges and all he could think of was how beautiful she looked, even in her pit of internal terror.
“Stay. Please.” She whispered.
“You know the answer to that.”
“Leave me with something, anything.”
“I love you.”
“How does that help me? It only makes it worse. Don’t you see? I know that. That’s what scares me. You love me. I love you. Yet we’ll be separated for such a long time. So long…”
It killed him to see her like this, but it was inevitable. The sun was rising fast and he could feel himself slipping away. She could feel it too and seemed to be slowly giving in to hysteria. Turning her slowly to face him, he whispered those three words before he kissed her gently on her lips. Those same lips that would never tire of smiling, the same lips that would always turn him on like crazy; the lips that could ask a question just by the shape they assumed. He was going to miss her laughter. He knew she would float aimlessly for a few months before she’d snap back to reality. Yet all he could offer her was this last kiss. A kiss that would dry in the harshness of the sun.
She could feel him slipping away even as tongue met tongue. She could feel the tears stream down her face as he began to fade with every strand of sunlight that slipped into the room. She knew she would never be the same again. It was going to be brutal yet all she had to hang onto was this night. Soon all she could feel was air and her heart silently wailed in desperation. Yet she had to pull herself together, for it was now time for the final send-off.
