VIRGINITY

Wish when I was small someone had told me that being a virgin would begin to lose its lustre by the time I would reach my 20s. I was always the good girl from a young age, what mama said would go, no matter whether I agreed with it or not. Boys are people you should be wary of. Of course, before puberty, Boys were basically beneath you, those who basically played those ‘dirty rough games’. They were only good for one thing- to beat during exams. Boy did I ever glory in that! It was offensive for a dude to beat me in exams. Seriously?  A dude?  A girl beating me- a possibility.  A boy? Please! Are you trying to pull my leg?

Of course when puberty hit, the whole XY species metarmorphosized- at least in my own mind. I remember  my first crush- C. Anami. Class 5. He had recently been transferredto our school, and I thought he was truly cute- a worthy specimen from the rest of the other boys who had been around so far. Of course he didn’t know that, and I would rather have walked on hot coals than admit it. I had my pride you know, and I couldn’t stand the idea that some boy had a hold on me. He could have exploited me. I didn’t say it wasn’t foolish pride, or maybe I was being unusually perceptive?

I probably would have tried to move on to the next stage, trying the whole primary relationships, maybe make out a bit and let him try to get to second base.... until THE TALK. You all know what I’m talking about- keeping yourself pure and all that jazz, and how boys right now would just ruin any chance of a good future that you have. Oh yeah, and I was an empty jug, swallowing all this hook, line and sinker. My favourite was what my mother told me- your first boyfriend should be acquired once you hit the great steps of university. I know! University! I didn’t question it (this doesn’t mean I wasn’t sceptical) because after all mother knows best.

So this unrealistic medic went through life with that beautiful innocence. Of course there were some dudes I eyed but I never let it go too far. Though I never really admitted it, I was subconsciously waiting for my mom’s green light – University. And here we are and I’m in second year and I still haven’t even accomplished what my mom wanted, I enjoy singlehood too much. Gee Mom, Thanks?

But now that’s not even the real issue anymore. The thorn in my flesh and mind is that I’m a virgin.  Now before someone gawks till food falls from their mouth or they go like “It’s not a bad thing! ” Listen. I never had an issue with it, was really cool about it till I realised just how few we virgins are! But what’s worse is how everyone seems to think of you as a charity case! Like they’re all munching on this amazingly sweet and soft cake that is orgasmic (yes, orgasmic) to eat, and you’re missing out.

I recently turned 21 and guess what gift my friend Cara wanted to give me as a birthday present? You guessed it- birthday sex! Not from her, but she knew someone who she assured me would “give me the best first time ever!” Initial reaction- refusal and dismissal.  But no one refuses K that easily, so she’s been bugging me relentlessly. So I have to seriously think about it. And it’s still no. I want at least when the first time coitus does happen, at least I know you! Plus it would be a bonus if I trusted and you totally turned me on. And if God would be so kind as to make it be with someone I loved that would be divine. Roll your eyes as much as you want but I’m sticking to my guns. And even if he breaks my heart afterwards then let him, damn it! I‘ll go through the whole broken heart and mend it process if I have to, so be it.

Another pal of mine, Mary is busy going around saying how she’s a virgin and all that (she isn’t ) and its hilarious to watch the reactions of people when she tells them. Priceless! Candid ones always are. Most of them (all!) don’t believe her.  Now one answer hit, ahem! , below the belt. “Really? Basi saa hii si huko chini kumekuwa cartilage?” Ouch! That hurt! It wasn’t too long ago when people actually abstained till marriage, and that was beyond 21, so I’m pretty sure my vagina hasn’t calcified, it’s still viable! Right? Damn, I actually doubted. Doubted enough to want accept K’s offer. Then I remembered, am a freaking medic! These statements can be refuted or confirmed easily! I have enough textbooks, so no, it’s not true! :-P HA!!!!!!

Even if I wanted to lose my V-cardiem, it’s still not that easy. I used to think that most dudes would be tripping over themselves to bed a virgin. Ha! Another assumption knocked off. How, you ask? Well, it all happened one night when, I had had a little too much to drink and was in the midst of an intense make –out session. Or as my pals say “busy exchanging staphylococci”.  The type of session that you forget you’re in public. And this guy was doing amazing things to both my mouth and body. I didn’t mind- scratch that, I was enjoying this – till we were stopped by the bloody bouncer (cringe moment!). So anyway after that we got to talking (after sharing spit, it seemed like a decent thing to do) And we somehow stumbled on the virgin issue and he’s like...

B    : Oh, but you ain’t a virgin. *Shrugging his shoulder.*

Me:  And how do you know that?

B    : I just know. (Apparently when you’ve already slept with a few chicks, you know how to “tell”)

Me: But I am.

B    : Yeah right. *scoffs* (I’m still wondering whether this was an insult or compliment)

Me: Seriously.

B   : Oh. Well I don’t do virgins.

Me: Why not?

B   : *Just shrugs.*

And the story ended there. The virgin life- a tough one.  Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Maybe I should get the white veil and join the church. At least there you have a perfectly valid reason to remain a virgin.