I went out this week. Twice. I think I’m taking a rest for now. Why? I’m tired. Tired of the alcohol (no more shots and Black Ice). Tired of the achy feet. Tired of the yucky men. Tired of the invasion of my personal space. Actually I think that’s my main problem. INVASION OF PERSONAL SPACE. When you drink, we all know your inhibitions are lowered, reflexes slowed and movements and speech slurred. So whenever I’m drunk the number of people who keep touching me and forcing me to dance obviously exponentially increases. Reason? I can’t think fast enough to say no, unfortunately. The next day, all I’ll ask is what was I thinking? Then I’ll do my utmost best to rub them off me, physically, mentally and emotionally.
However what made me dig my heels in was what happened this Saturday night- after an idiot followed me all round forcing me to dance with him every two seconds to the point I sat down most of the time. (I sat down!!! Me!! The one who can dance all night long!!!) Yeah I was that disgusted. I used to wonder how prostitutes or gold diggers or any woman can sleep with someone whom they don’t love. How can they tolerate their touch, withstand their kisses? I finally got my answer. It’s detachment. You let them have your body as your mind and soul slowly detach themselves from it. Then you all come back together after the assault where your body feels used, your soul cries and your mind soothes. If you practise it long enough, your soul may become indifferent and your mind methodical as it goes through the routine of cleansing your body. I was at the first stage though so I can still reverse that shit. It was totally disgusting. My body felt so betrayed, like I hadn’t done enough to protect it, and it was right. Right to blame me for what happened. When did the Diana stop being the narcissistic bitch that she always is? I was and still am sorry. Promised my body that I would do my best to protect it. As for that idiot, I don’t know if I can look him in the eye without wanting to slap him. But lesson has been learnt: that sometimes it’s my happiness and well-being is all that matters. And peace and unity with the three spheres of my life is very important. It’s the only way I’ll function at 100% or thereabout.
For all those wondering, yes I’m narcissistic (aren’t most bloggists?) I love myself. I know I have faults but I love me more because of that. Don’t worry, I am not blind to correction, I shall take them graciously or ungraciously depending on who you are. ;) However I adore spoiling myself, because I don’t believe in waiting for someone else to make you happy or give you what you desire. Do it yourself and make yourself happy. That person may never materialise. I also believe I deserve the best. Nothing but. It could possibly stem from the fact that I’m a Daddy’s girl who knows that she’s worth something. I’m worth a hell lot, damn it! Believe that!
Now that I’m taking a break from raeving, I wonder if I’ll be considered wife material. Yes, wife material. Apparently if you adore your liquor, the short tight dresses and partying all night long, you’re more likely to be labelled a temporary rather than a permanent. A temporary is one you can date just coz she knows how to have great time and you’ll probably gain crazy points with your buddies because she’s probably eye candy. A permanent is basically who you’re going to take to your mother, you know who I’m talking about, the modest, quiessential, kitchen lover and her epitome of fun is maybe a private picnic somewhere. Now the problem with these definitions is that they’re too narrow minded, exactly like some men’s mindsets. Most women actually blend in with both definitions, and yet people always want to limit you to one corner, which is boring. The world may be black and white but with a lot of grey in between. Don’t you forget that. J
I don’t really mind where most people, both boys and girls , place me (probably as a temporary) so long as I know where I am. I don’t deny I love a good party now and then but I’d also be blown away if someone planned a quiet romantic set up for two. I love looking good (a self-confidence booster) but I wouldn’t mind getting down and dirty sometimes. I adore kids too, though most people wouldn’t believe it. And yes you can’t starve in my house neither would you live in a dirty house, all without a house-help, my mother after all, raised me right. When am partying know that I read as hard as I party, no sideshow is going to keep me from my initial goal- the golden nameplate Dr. Diana Abuodha
Of course no one would ever know all this at first glance when you see me dancing on the dance floor, with my drink high up in the air laughing with my friends. Don’t judge a book by its cover my friends, read the first few chapters to begin forming your opinion.
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