Of taking risks and third wheeling...

First of all, SALUTATIONS!!!!!! Since being shipped off to our ancestral lands, an internet connection has been slightly hard to come by. After failing repeatedly to guess my father’s laptop password (yeah, we all tried and all our guesses failed!) I have been forced, forced I tell you, to ask for the laptop. Downright asking people! I would have like to say that it took several hours, sore knees, empty promises, and hoarse voices to get it. Throw in one or two tantrums, but nope. Actually it was quite simple, just

“Dad, can I borrow your laptop?”

“What for, you want to surf?”

“Yes, but first I have to write a document.”

“Oh, okay.”

JUST LIKE THAT! I’m still speechless. I guess it’s true what they say, men just need to be told what you want and they’ll give it to you. Hmm… who knew? New lessons learnt every day.

Back to me, so the other day whilst waiting for my already late friend to show up for an afternoon excursion (I’m English like that) I popped in to a restaurant kill time. Let’s be honest, there are very few places in town where you can just bum and still look sophisticated, or with it, or not a Nairobi jobless nigger or pickpocket. If you do know such places, please help a sister out! Anyway after discovering my friend was going to be uber late whilst I was already at the very place we were to meet, I was at a dilemma. Where to go, where to go… Already being on Biashara Street I thought of going, guess where…the Lifestyle lounge. Do not ask me why I didn’t think of Greenview fish fingers or that Lifestyle Lounge has been closed for some time I DON’T KNOW! All I was thinking of was some beef I had once had at the Lounge and that’s its balcony was safe for people-seeing at a table for one. Yes, I am not afraid of eating by myself, a girl’s gotta eat, especially when she’s craving a particular dish and doesn’t have time to go through her phonebook looking for company. Well, needless to say reaching there and meeting a closed Lifestyle Lounge merited a plan B, FAST. I did what I could only do at such short notice, move forward to the other eateries on the street. DO NOT ask me why Greenview didn’t pop up in my head!

Picture that street- I forget its name- where Nakumatt Lifestyle and Galitos are. Where that famous guy who hawks socks is found. Where there’s the furniture shop which has the big circular bed which I have a feeling can revolve round if you want and it has so many little drawers and the shop owners rarely dress it with a nice colour scheme! I think MKU is located there, or is it Multimedia? Okay we all have a good idea where I am. I didn’t want fast food, so cancel all the fast food joints on that street. Now to the right of lifestyle lounge there are two places which serve ‘traditional African dishes’. The first place I didn’t like the colour of their seats, plus they were wooden therefore hard. I want my tooshy to be comfortable. I entered the second one for two reasons. One, there was no other restaurant on that street and I didn’t want to look lost. Two, the two men in front of me entered it like it was their usual joint so I trusted their silent walk of approval. The minute I stepped into the restaurant the waiter at the door welcomed me with a smile and a greeting in Kikuyu. Kikuyu, I kid you not. I kind of look Luhyia and that thought usually holds water just by looking at my legs, but Kikuyu? I almost turned back. I soldiered on, then that funky smell hit me. Every particle in my body was already out of the door and walking opposite the street to Galitos but my whole being was being seated at a table. I was weak. I couldn’t turn back. So I sat down and prayed that the food poisoning would get me at home. I ordered fried meat with rice. The waiter was really nice. Ordered a glass of juice to go with my meal. Then waited. With  bated breath. Like walking down a dark alley where you know there is a 99% chance you will be mugged but stubbornly making your bet on that 1%. You know what? That 1% won! The food was really good. So good that I decided to write about it! The food was fresh, the meat was really good. Like really good (picture my eyes all popped out and me nodding enthusiastically) The price pocket friendly, and the service made me smile.Bonus- No food poisoning! Well Gallrix Restaurant pleasantly surprised me. I was happy.

 The reason why my friend was late was because she had to pick up her hubby up first. The reason why I wasn’t mad was because I understood she had to spend some ‘alone’ time with her special guy, plus less time spent third wheeling. Which brings me to this- TACKLING THIRD-WHEELING.

Now when you’ve been single for as long as I have you will or have been involved in being the extra, the third wheel so to speak. I have been third wheeling since the time when boys and girls began to see each other no longer as enemies. Yes, since class seven. At first you resent it which makes you avoid it at all costs. Eventually, you don’t make such a big deal out of it, heck you even have fun at such moments. Here’s how...

First of all this is not for the faint hearted; neither is it for those wishing to leave the single life. If you completely detest such moments I suggest you DO avoid them because all you’ll do is seep your bile into the gathering and leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. So this is not for you. This is for the single girl who is pretty content in their own skin and their current relationship status. Plus you want to keep your friends and you might gain a new one too so no harm done.

1.       Be open: Yes, she’s coming with her boyfriend or he’s coming over while you’re hanging out at her place. You do not need to bolt. Well, sometimes you will have to if the situation calls for it. However most of the time it’s going to be a simple meet up. You don’t have to see yourself as an intrusion or he’s interrupting your girl-time. Think of it like meeting a new friend or an acquaintance who is going to be your friend. Do not act like a dog in a manger. Acting all mad and sullen. You can go with two options: go dumb and observe or talk like a parrot and be observed!

2.       Make friends: Your friend’s boyfriend isn’t an alien from space! He’s just a person who your friend likes, not to take her away from you. You may be surprised about how much you both have in common. After all one common denominator is your friend! There are a couple of dudes whom I met through dating my friends and are now my homies!!!! Plus, they may also have other cute friends which lead to jackpot!!! But you can’t be too close to them, you do not want to mess a good thing. You know what I mean. If you don’t, post a comment, I’ll explain in detail.

3.       Be interesting: Why be boring? Be you. You don’t have to impress this guy, he isn’t yours to. Talk your heart away but don’t embarrass your own friend. You’re there to represent your friend and all her other friends. Remember the saying, ‘Show me your friends and I’ll show you who you are’? Yep, you’re representing. No pressure. Most of the time, your friend’s significant other is also trying to impress you too so he won’t give you a hard time.

4.       Learn to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear: Yes, you will have to learn this skill. You will have to do it in such a way that it doesn’t look awkward. You have to be graceful about it and also learn to anticipate them. Couples tend to be mushy at times, some more predictable than others. Don’t let it get to you; just take it as a natural flow of things.  Every couple should be allowed to show affection for each other without being made to feel like it’s wrong or they should feel stifled because you’re there. A peck here, some sweet nothings there and your own phone should be your best friend. Most couples will not intentionally make you feel truly uncomfortable by going full on PDA. If they do, then your friend is intentionally being a bitch prick.

5.       Don’t take things too personally:  When you all go out, remember your friend is really trying to balance her attention between you two the best way she can. Unfortunately there will be moments when you will be left up in the air so to speak. Don’t fret nor whine. Keep yourself occupied. It’s just for a while. It’s not to intentionally exclude you.

6.       Conversationist needed: This is the perfect time to make fun of your friend. Do not look this gift horse in the mouth! And of course you can both gang up and make fun of the dude too. Or come up with an incredible back-story as to how the two of you became friends. Watch out! This could also be applied to you too! Be a good sport about it. J

7.       Be a team-player: Make your friend look good. Don’t be that girl. The one whom no one wants to introduce to their boyfriends. Please do not be that hussy who flirts with her friend’s dudes and ends up ruining one too many relationships just because of jealousy. Be good. Be kind. Have a good heart. It costs you nothing. Plus the universe will give you exactly what you dish out.

Sharing my little pearls of wisdom on this issue should make it a bit easier for some of us little ladies or should I say women. Remember Louisa May Allcot? J Besides, it is just for a little while, and you will need your friends to reciprocate in the future!

For now people, I’d like to wish all of you a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Let’s all meet next year. I wish you all life and God’s mercy to be able for all of us to hold hands in 2013 and see it to its end, safe and sound.