Thursday, 12 September 2013

A new chapter...

I remember when I first read The River and the Source. The TV had just blown up and I was bored out of my mind. Bored children are a nuisance to their parents so my mother gave me this book, which was the current set book in high school at the time. I took it up immediately and I was introduced to Akoko Obanda.
Akoko happens to be one of the strongest women characters I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. And I read extensively. She was a trail blazer who, while respecting the culture of the land, was not afraid of the unknown. She was beautiful, spirited and a formidable opponent. Her temper! Legen-wait for it-dary! One of my favourite lines from her was, “I would not trust your uncle Otieno although he is as black as the bottom of the pot I boil maize and beans in.” If you’ve seen those big pots in the village and how darkened they are by soot, you understand why that statement always cracks me up. She was the very definition of fearless and I wanted to grow up and be just like her.

Ten years later and I still haven’t yet grown up! I’m 23 years old, still in school, still single and still staying in my mother’s house, still relying on my father for my upkeep. I don’t know about you but that is the very definition of a child. Which is worrisome because by this time Akoko was married with her first child and dealing with her meddlesome in-laws. She’s not the only one, because the percentage of girls in my age cohort that I found in Ante-natal clinic, labour and maternity ward was overwhelmingly large. There’s also a large number of my very own classmates from high school and primary who are already moms as evidenced by the increasing number of baby photos as profile pictures on facebook. It’s such a rollercoaster between a mushy moment and a barf-fest. I’m sorry but it is, especially when they insist on shoving it down our throats how happy they are how their babies are their best mistakes and how the rest of us are missing out on the joys of motherhood. Sometimes I think they try to convince us so that they can convince themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s the bravest thing to have a child especially when you’re still an adolescent and still figuring out life as you go along, but I would rather see pictures of my friends going to amazing universities and doing amazing jobs coming up with exquisite campaigns and being trailblazers in their own fields, like Judy who is on her way to the Forbes list. If Akoko was around today I’m sure she’d be heading her own company by now, I kid you not. Read about her and tell me you don’t see her in that corner office.

Speaking about Akoko, it was a sad day in my life when I realised I couldn’t be her. Why? Simple. I’m me. I can work just as hard but I like to rest too. A recliner on a deck with an ocean view and a glass of Johnnie on the rocks is my ultimate kickback day dream. I worry too much about my next move and the idea of change can lead to a major mood storm before I conform. She was a straight up go-getter, I have to talk to myself for days before I try a new direction. Or I irrationally do something before my mind finds a way to negate it. She followed through with all she did. I can’t even finish tooting that horn before I lose interest. She looked at her husband dead in the eye when he came to ask for her hand in marriage. I would hide myself behind a pot of plants before I would let myself talk to someone I fancy, okay that was definitely hyperbole. I wouldn’t hide but I do know there’s a beauty about walking on the opposite side of the path. Akoko was the ultimate and I’m a work in progress.

A work in progress. A phrase that best describes where I am right now. I do have my own vision of how the future me looks like. The doctor. The wife. The mother. But I do remember a quote that mentioned God laughing at our best laid plans. Judging from my past and present I’ve given him a bucket load of laughs and I don`t think I’m about to stop any time soon! I’d figured by the time I was in fourth year I would have settled so many sectors in my life. More time spent at the hospital, literally living away from home, confident in my medical skills done with the raeving scene and I would have at least that one guy to always talk to about everything. Yet here I am, moved back home, not sure if I’m making it to fifth year next year, still dropping branula lids and not a love interest in sight.

That might seem like such a sorry state but I’m happy. Confusing is it? I did say I was a work in progress, didn’t I? Let me paint a picture for you. Picture your breaking point, now picture mine, my previous post tries to colour it all out for you. I was miserable and my family was worried. I stayed at home and within a few days I could feel the old Diana come back. You know what I love about family? They know you but still can’t get rid of you; they love you and build you up. I started to slowly come around and I reconnected with my family and it became harder and harder to go back to Ngumo. The house isn’t a bad incentive too. So I stayed.

Two was when my father fell sick. I rushed home to make sure it wasn’t anything serious. Now I lost my uncle last year and calling it a shock is an understatement. He died way before his time and right now my father is the last surviving male in his nuclear family. He misses all his brothers and father terribly. I am terrified that he might leave us unexpectedly just like my uncle Chris. I stay at home to spend as much time as I can with him and at least sleep knowing he’s just a few doors away. Plus he’s the best in terms of giving advice, you know the older you are the wiser you become and so on and so forth. The man works harder than anyone else I know, and that’s saying something since I spend most of my days with academics and monkey see, monkey do. I’m still waiting to reach my old man’s momentum though.

I fell in love with the hospital again, specifically obstetrics, the non-examination part of course. I enjoyed that rotation, enough to literally hang around pregnant women giving my pregophile tendencies free reins. My only problem is why we don’t make enemas part of basic obstetric care, like in a mini- section… no, I’m not letting it go! I still need to go back and I’m not so worried because medicine is learnt and lived for a lifetime.
The hallways at King Georges hospital have never stopped being crazy and the fact there isn’t that one main guy to talk to doesn’t deter me one bit! I’ve been blessed in another way that I’m now just beginning to appreciate, all the boys, sorry men, who are not ashamed to call me their friend! We can talk about anything, crack jokes and still sit down and study seriously. I have a whole gang of male friends which for the first time in my life feels a tad overwhelming. And cool. Really cool, it’s cold! Genuine bromances are sweet to watch too and I get to see them daily, here’s to you Twiri and Owen. If Akoko met all these men she’d have them as her friends too, though I’m not sure whether it would be appropriate to her. She’d break the rules though, because she’s that amazing! I should know, I hang out with them.

 I continue to make my path everyday with the greatest lesson I’ve learnt so far is being able to love myself. Love myself and understand that I’m going to make mistakes. Daily. It can get tough, it can get worse but it will end. It does. Not forgetting that getting myself back up after a fall is what’s the most important to do, and a pretty pair of heels may be just around the corner waiting for me! The road to womanhood has never been more chaotic than is mine, but God damn it, it’s mine…

1 comment:

  1. I like this post akoko wannabe...I believe you are doing better than most though.

    ReplyDelete