There are two strong convictions that I live by. Numero uno-
If you sincerely and legitimately use the word “never” in a sentence, It’s
going to come true. Like, “I will never go skinny dipping at night.” One, it’s
going to happen. Two, it won’t for me because I would secretly like to go
skinny dipping given the chance. Deux- Whatever scenario I think up, it won’t happen.
Now number two can be either advantageous or not depending on the side of the
coin. For example, what if we’re robbed and break into the house and mercilessly
gut us till our insides flow out? Then I can breathe easy and sleep like a baby
because I KNOW they won’t. Why? I already thought of it! J Or what if today when
we go out I’ll meet someone who will totally rock my night and who knows he
just won’t be thinking ‘chips-funga potential’? Then it dawns on my sorry heart
that that won’t happen. You know why? I already thought of it! L Scoff all you want but
these two convictions have yet to fail me. It’s a system that the universe and
I have agreed to and are comfortable with. I’m able to steer off possible
disasters, sleep soundly and occasionally try to cheat the ‘never’ rule while
the universe gets to laugh at my expense on whatever silly thing I was hoping
to achieve or when it catches me off-guard . See, mutual benefits.
Now why talk of my convictions? In a minute. See, it’s the holidays
and with the holidays comes travelling. My dad is the kind of guy who believes
in building a firm grasp of one’s roots and to butter us up he takes us for a
one week holiday to the county of sea and sand. In the package is also a week’s
stay at a hotel which includes breakfast and supper. By the end of the week,
your stomach basically expands with glee and your body is re- energized by all
the swimming pool action. Every year we go I always hope for a bit of holiday
romance and very year it’s the same result- nothing. Zilch. Nyiet. Hakuna.
Oonge. Of course this is due to conviction number two. Once I think it, it isn’t
happening. You hope for some interesting hunk to be in the next room so that
when you ‘accidentally’ meet by the balcony, you strike up conversation and ‘poof!’
your week is made! Of course this never happens (You know the minute I genuinely
thought up ‘never’ my mind immediately went to “yes! I thought of never! Conviction
number one! This will happen!” Then I confidently wrote down ‘never’ with that
I- know-a-secret confidence and just like that, it went down the drain. I’d
used ‘never’ illegitimately. My life sucks balls.) By day 3, you will settle
for a ‘lookable’. Don’t look at me like that, like you’ve never done that
before you self-righteous prick. By day 5, you’ll settle for life n the next
room. THEN THE UNIVERSE BEING THE PRICK IT IS, GRANTS YOU THAT! It’s evening;
you’re heading to the balcony to air out some starfish you bought. Yeah, I, as
a domestic tourist contribute to the gross domestic product of the locals. And
they say tourism only generates revenue from foreigners. :P Word from the wise-
starfish smell like fish. Real fish, like tilapia or nileperch. I kid you not.
So as you buy starfish thinking ‘wow, how pretty, I can see you near my night stand’
, remember my words, or your nose will do it for you. Wow, trains of thought
come back to the rails. Back to airing out starfish and wanting to stare at the
sea at night and wham! You have company. ‘Hi!’ You’re staring at two Indian
dudes late 20s early 30s in the next balcony. Side
note: Is it just me or is two dudes who are not
siblings in the same room a tad bit weird? You say hi back and you have that awkward
conversation with two men at the balcony, smiling a lot, because it’s just
polite (no matter how uncomfortable you are). Then weird questions are asked
like are you alone, who are you staying with, is your sister a model (This was
actually asked!), I hear there’s salsa later, maybe we can talk more after
dinner… That’s when you start thinking exit strategy, laugh a lot and mumble
something as you edge closer and closer t the sliding door. Once contact is broken,
close the said slide door and ever so slowly, close the curtains to avoid
suspicious thoughts from the neighbors. After that it was duck and cover and stand
next to dad during dinner- it helps that my dad is 6 foot plus tall. They
stayed for two more days I think, (I avoided the balcony like a flu outbreak in
a girl’s boarding school. Not as bad as the plague so that you never step your
foot in there, but you know when and where to avoid.). The morning we were
about to leave, busted at the balcony again, this time middle-aged Kenyan. All
I could say was “morning” and wheel my bags out of there.
You’d think I’d be
jaded by now after that fiasco in Coast but I’m an optimist. Second trip is
coming up in a day’s time- the upcountry haul-up. It’s a haul up because you
carry so much stuff from your own luggage to clothes for people in the village.
Food that reminds you of Nairobi to granny’s own shopping. Last but definitely not
least, new appliances for the house. Anyway, I have exactly 3 days for any
romantic brou-hah to happen. Day 1- When we travel. Day 2- The day spent in
Kisumu. Day 3- Those few hours before we start the slow descent to being closer
to Uganda than Kenya. You all know rule number 1 and 2, but hear me out what if
I was to circumvent the rules? How, you ask? What if by believing in number two
to the point that whatever I think up and the subsequent total conviction that
it won’t happen, makes it a non-entity. Thereby fooling the universe into ‘surprising’
me when it’s what I actually wanted. Huh? Huh? Reverse psychology at its best!
Booyah!
I’m thinking hot neighbor in the bus who happens to like the
same music I like or mysterious cool guy in the hotel who is a total daredevil.
No? What about sweet dude in the book section of the supermarket? T.D.H
(Tall,Dark,Handsome) on some amazing ride in town. Oh, the wonderful
possibilities! Only 3 days to outsmart the universe, or it will pay me back by
sending one weirdo after another and it’s a looooong bus ride!
